Understanding Poor Leadership Traits

Hello, friends!

In a recent conference, I shared my early struggles as a Product Leader, which I attributed to several key issues:

People-Pleasing Tendencies

Initially, my primary aim was to be the "best product leader" my team had ever encountered. My desire to be liked led me to mold myself into a version of what I thought they wanted, resulting in a confused blend of personalities that didn’t truly reflect who I was.

Hyper-Vigilance

I became overly sensitive to subtle signs of dissatisfaction from others. This habit stemmed from my upbringing in a culture where expressing discontent openly was frowned upon, leading me to interpret even the slightest non-verbal cues as indicators of their feelings. In my quest to be well-liked, I made assumptions about my team’s sentiments, often incorrectly.

Avoidance of Conflict

Whenever I sensed potential conflict, my instinct was to retreat. I procrastinated having difficult discussions, including providing constructive feedback, often envisioning numerous negative responses that never included gratitude for my input. This created an environment of anxiety for both myself and my team.

The combination of these traits resulted in my ineffective leadership, characterized by inconsistent expectations and a lack of clear direction for my team. I felt lost, questioning why, despite my efforts to make my colleagues happy, they weren’t satisfied.

I nearly walked away from my role, but I realized I had already abandoned too many pursuits in my life and regretted those decisions. Instead, I recognized the need for self-improvement.

When I finally understood that my efforts were focused on making my team happy with me rather than empowering them for their success, I identified the real issue: it was me, not a lack of skills.

This realization was profound. Throughout my life, I had been driven by the mission to keep others content with me. This instinctive behavior had helped me navigate various situations but was counterproductive in my role as a Product Leader.

As Product Managers, we learn not to simply cater to what others request. Our objective is to address their actual needs—solving problems rather than just fulfilling wants. The same principle applies to leadership; it’s essential to provide your team with clarity, objectives, and the right working environment—even if they don’t always agree.

The goal isn’t to be liked; it’s to eliminate barriers and pave the way for success for our team, ultimately delivering value to our users.

Reflecting on my journey, it may seem like a simple transition now, but it was anything but easy. I often experienced anxiety before delivering negative feedback or saying "no." Despite my instincts urging me otherwise, I committed to doing what was necessary for our products and my team’s success.

Since then, my leadership approach has significantly improved.

Am I the Best Product Leader Now?

I won’t claim to be the best. My new objectives focus on fostering a cohesive team that supports and inspires one another, preparing them to become leaders in their own right, and contributing to our organization’s goals through a strong portfolio of products.

Success, to me, is defined by achieving these three goals.

When asked about the qualities of a good Product Leader, my response is clear: Effective Product Leaders are not defined solely by their skills or the absence of past traumas. Instead, they possess a keen awareness of their abilities and aspirations as leaders, allowing them to strive for positive outcomes and continuous improvement.

If you’re an aspiring Product Leader or currently in a leadership role seeking to enhance your skills, I’m here to help. Let’s connect.

Short answer: When you don’t.

Long answer: Seriously, when you don’t—and when you fail to learn from those experiences.

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