Chapter 1: Reflections on Turning 30

Reaching the age of thirty can feel surreal. In your twenties, it’s easy to maintain the facade of youth, where some friends don tailored suits for their prestigious jobs while others escape to exotic locations. Everyone seems to be following their own rhythm, and it feels like this carefree existence could last indefinitely.

However, the reality of turning thirty is undeniable. Friends may have earned advanced degrees, started families, or moved away, marking a transition into adulthood. Personally, my twenties were far from what I envisioned (a sentiment likely shared by many).

During my early twenties, I grappled with an eating disorder, which made my initial years particularly challenging. Yet, at twenty-seven, a realization struck me: my thirties would reflect the collective choices and actions of my twenties. With three years left to influence that outcome, I resolved to seize the moment.

The outcomes of those years are a mixed bag. I made some commendable choices but also several that, had I recognized their significance earlier, I would have approached differently. Still, the lessons learned are invaluable, and I’ve compiled them here. You'll notice a recurring theme of achievement; this is largely due to my current life phase, where professional success is paramount. As an ambitious individual, I recognize that achievement plays a crucial role in a fulfilling existence, regardless of societal views.

Here are the ten pivotal lessons from my twenties:

1. Identify Your Game

   In life, you are a participant in only a few games, while in others, you're merely a spectator. Understanding which is which is essential for finding focus and happiness. For guidance, consider the book Wanting by Luke Burgis, who also shares insights through his newsletter.

   "In life, the challenge is not so much to figure out how best to play the game; the challenge is to figure out what game you’re playing." — Kwame Anthony Appiah

2. Avoid Shortcuts

   The longer route often leads to faster results. If someone seems to have discovered a shortcut, they are likely deceiving you, or you may not see the complete story. The key to progress is embracing the longer journey and putting in the necessary work. However, don't unnecessarily prolong that journey. Alex Hormozi refers to this as "dragging your future by the balls into the present."

3. Be Selective with Commitments

   The paths you choose early on can have significant repercussions later. Exercise caution; don’t feel compelled to invest time in something that doesn't truly merit it. Remaining open and uncommitted can be more advantageous.

4. Don’t Hesitate Too Long

   After age 25, time begins to feel linear and accelerates. This reality makes significant commitments, like pursuing a degree, more daunting. If you desire children—especially as a woman—there's little room for trial-and-error relationships before settling down. Avoid getting trapped in exploration mode.

5. Connect with Your Tribe

   Following your own path need not be isolating. Seek out your people, but remember it won’t happen by chance; you must actively pursue these connections. Ideally, relocate to an area where like-minded individuals reside, or find them online.

   "Writing and posting online is really just a way for introverts to network." — Unknown

6. Take Action

   Sometimes, the experiences you dream about are just as incredible as you imagine. You won’t know until you dive in. For instance, I pursued my passion for skiing by moving to the Alps for a winter, overcoming my own fears that had previously held me back.

7. Understand Your Motivations

   Discovering what drives your behavior is crucial for regaining control of your life. This isn’t just about overcoming major traumas; many of us face smaller, everyday struggles. Seeking therapy can be beneficial, as can exploring alternative methods like a “heroic dose” of psilocybin.

   "No one could be a man unless his father had died." — Sigmund Freud

   "Yes, but that death can take place symbolically." — Carl Jung

8. Pursue Passion Over Obligation

   When contemplating your life's direction, prioritize what you genuinely want over what seems strategically sound. Your enthusiasm will naturally lead you to outperform others since you’re not merely going through the motions. Regret often stems from living someone else's life—don't fall into that trap.

9. Develop Valuable Skills

   The secret to success can indeed be distilled into one word: skills. To achieve your goals, you need practical abilities. The more relevant skills you cultivate, the more opportunities for success you'll encounter.

   "You can have anything you want — if you just figure out how to get enough other people what they want." — Zig Ziglar

10. Embrace Joy Along the Journey

    My greatest regret from my twenties is the time spent in misery. It's vital to recognize that, regardless of external circumstances, I control my reactions. Plans may falter, but that shouldn't rob you of enjoying the present. Both Stoicism and Buddhism highlight the importance of this lesson, so take it to heart.

    "Whoever has the most fun, wins." — Unknown

Final Thoughts

Life continues beyond this point. Overall, I find joy in aging; with each year, I gain a deeper understanding of life. I assure you, when gray hairs adorn my beard, I will embrace my appearance with pride.

My journey has deviated from my original expectations, yet that simply means it may take longer to reach my goals. Rest assured, I will never abandon that pursuit. I hope this serves as a reminder for you, dear reader, to persist in your own journey.

Life is both lengthy and fleeting. You have time—if you choose to make the most of it. Don't delay.

The first video titled "10 lessons I learned in my 20s | for anyone feeling lost :')" shares valuable insights and reflections that resonate with the lessons outlined above.

The second video, "10 Life Lessons I Learned In My Twenties," further emphasizes the importance of understanding and applying these lessons as you navigate through your own twenties.